11 Looks I Could Have Done Without

In the eyes of kids today I am older than virtual dirt. I have been on facebook since 2005.

[Cue scratchy old-person voice.]
We are talking back when it was college students only. Back when it was actually just about people friending people. Back when you actually had to work to facebook stalk someone. Now they just throw everything on a contraption called a newsfeed, which is probably a government conspiracy. We didn’t have to block 29 invites a week to play Super Bubbleville or Wizard Ball Rockets or Kitten Farm (okay, I’d maybe play a game called kitten farm). But, for the love of being productive!

[Alright, back to a midwestern voice. Slightly tenor. Cracks sometimes. Think 14-year-old boy.]
The kind of cool thing about being a member for over 10 years is that it becomes a personalized, interactive history book of sorts. (Which actually isn’t so cool sometimes.)

One afternoon out of curiosity, I clicked on tagged photos and went backwards. The result:
11 Looks I Could Have Done Without.

11. This Face

11. This face. It might be scientific proof that it really will get stuck that way. I came across it probably 43 times.

10. Floral Jacket

10. I think I have a thing for stuff old ladies in hair rollers would wear (as you will see also on number 3.) This jacket was quilted polyester. I find the print is what really gives it that extra moth-ball-smelling, plastic-couch-covering push.
Oh, who are we kidding, I’d probably wear it again.

Fuschia Jacket
9. Wearing my over-sized fuschia Adidas jacket from high school on rare occasions as a part of my outfit (scoff), which was usually when I thought my actual outfit made me look too skinny. (News flash: your skinny makes you look skinny.) This was an absurd habit that carried over from high school. Girls in my class did it all the time to hide what they believed to be flaws. They were like security blankets in the form of ugly columbia jacket liners. I wanted to burn all of them for what they stood for, and simply because I was so damn sick of looking at them every day. I would have died in a school uniform environment.
I actually still have that thing. I don’t wear it. I’ll burn it. Someday.

8. John Lennon sunglasses

8. Hey, Tana. Go backmask the Revolver record. John Lennon says he wants his sunglasses back.

7. Tie

7. Some ideas are better left unexecuted…like a tie as a necklace. I look like I came from a Chippendales party. [That was a different day.]

6. Robocop Vest

6. I was in love with Robocop when I was a kid. I wanted to marry him. Odd I should end up with his vest later in life.

5, Halloween

5. This photo is absurd. I can’t decide what makes it that way the most: the fact that is actually my hair (which my friend Amanda did an excellent job teasing) or the fact that I look like that and am holding an infant. I can’t even give it a pass for being Halloween. I laugh every time I come across this photo, though. When is the last time you saw a giraffe that hardcore? We could probably fight crime. Weird crime…at a children’s rock concert…at a zoo.

4. Marsha Marsha Bangs

4. I’ll take the Jan Brady bangs. #SaidNoOneEver

3. BrocaidCoat

3. It bums me out that it looks like I should be sitting in my kitchen in my slippers getting a permanent by my best friend Marge, drinking iced tea and smoking cigarettes. Man, I love that coat; the blue jacquard. Won’t be wearing that again.

2. Eyebrows, lips

2. This otherwise lovely photo of roomie and I on Hawaiian night freshman year almost made it to number 1 for two reasons. One: I thought it’d be a cool idea to wear foundation on my lips for whatever reason then put lipgloss over it. (Uhhh?) Faces aren’t monochromatic for a reason, Tana.
And two: my eyebrows. Eyebrows are the frame of the face. I decided to downgrade mine from a nice, solid, 2-inch wood frame to a couple pieces of macaroni. Almost went Whoopie Goldberg on them. (Which works nicely on some people.) Put next to Sarah’s beautiful Brooke Shields brows, they’re especially awful. Of course, the minute I decide to grow them back, my friends voice how bad they were. Since then it’s been guaranteed to be brought up in casual conversation. “I hear this new place on  5th street is really cool. Hey Tana, remember your eyebrows that one time?”

1. The DIY Shirt

And the infamous number 1. Previously mentioned in blog DIY, But Don’t Sometimes. Luckily, it’s only a partial view.
But seriously.
Don’t sometimes.
Like this time.
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